My Life's Work

Who knew a date to the symphony during my junior year of high school would lead to such a beautiful life.  After 20 years of marriage, 4 children, and a whole lot of ups and downs, Ryan and I might just be starting to figure things out. 

When I started having children, I was very fortunate to be able to stay home with them.  While that hasn't always been easy for me (I have a working girl's brain) it was something I always envisioned myself doing when children came into our lives.  As a mom, I have been far from perfect.  I'm the first to admit that.  I'm not a master chef or baker.  I don't have all my scrapbooks up to date.  In fact, my youngest doesn't even have a baby book.  And, I've always regretted I didn't read to my kids more (It hurt my voice / throat after a few pages).  

But, there were a few areas that were priorities to me.  Over the years I've tried to make a consistent effort to be present for my children and yet, give them space and independence to grow.  I've tried to teach important values and spiritual truths through casual conversation, interactions, and by example.  I've tried to be a model for service, philanthropy, and learning how to manage responsibility.  And because we focus on balance, we've also tried to have a good measure of downtime and fun.   

Now, let me introduce you to my life's work.

Alexis (16), aka Lexie, is our oldest daughter.  She is a beautiful soul inside and out.  She is grounded, spiritual, a talented dancer, a photographer, a fashion guru, and has an artistic eye for anything creative or beautiful.  However she can't throw tumbling tricks to save her life.  Believe me, I've paid for 4 years of tumbling and she still can't throw a back hand spring.  But, when you're good at everything else and breathtakingly beautiful, you have to have at least one flaw.  Oh, and did I mention she is self confident and funny. She too thinks her tumbling skills are humorous.

Jackson is now 14.  When I look back at all he and I have been through, I think we've lived through enough for two life times.  Jackson has a rare chromosome duplication (7q11.23 duplication), currently less than one of 500 in the world.  The duplication mirrors autism.  Since his birth, we've been involved with specialists, medications, therapies, and have traveled near and far for treatment.  Jackson has intense struggles in building relationships, regulating emotions, and verbalizing feelings.  He also is trying to manage ADHD, anxiety, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  While Jackson's world is full of challenges he also excels at organizing his room, keeping track of dates and family memories, he connects to music and the latest hit on the radio, he enjoys the beach and building in the sand, camping, exploring in the woods surrounding our home, and those silly ghost hunting type shows.  Jackson is a key member of our family because we all have a chance to serve him and help him achieve successes in this life.  And in return, we have an appreciation for the simple pleasures of life that a family can enjoy.  Our hearts melt every time we have positive interactions and happy moments with Jackson. 





Collin is 11 and enjoying 5th grade.  He is the unassuming, handsome type.  While he may present himself to the world as shy and more reserved, he has a wicked ability to tease and take in everything around him.  Collin loves basketball and just started playing with a competition team.  He also enjoys hip hop, playing with his Kendama (Japanese toy that has a string, wood post, and ball), the game - Magic, and Dr. Who.  Because of birth order, Collin has endured much in his short life.  Even though he is younger, he's been an advocate and care taker for Jackson and has had to learn to acquiesce more than he should in order for Jackson to maintain a sense of calm.  We love Collin and his giving spirit.  He is a pillar of strength and a source of much joy.

Isabella, aka Izzy, just turned 8 and was baptized into our church this year.  Izzy has a tender heart and is a very spiritual young soul.  She is thoughtful, giving, artistic, a great piano player, spunky, funny, and adores her cat, Mrs. Fox.  She started dancing with a competition dance team this year and loves every minute; especially Hip Hop.  Izzy is in a French Immersion program in school.  She can always get us laughing with made up words in a french accent.  We are so happy this ray of sunshine is in our family.  Her bright light often lifts our spirits and adds warmth to our sometimes stressed out household.

So, that's us.  We're pretty down to earth and for the most part, a typical family.  The extra DNA that is a part of our family keeps things real.  While our challenges can be overwhelming at times, we know they are helping to make us stronger, more compassionate, and more unified.  We're all in this together and know that we all want to be together as a family forever.

May there be no empty chairs in heaven!!!

Hope Smiling Brightly Before Us

Some time ago, I was sitting in a church meeting. Half way through the meeting, it took an interesting turn. Instead of discussing spiritual health, we began discussing mental health.
 

A respected doctor was asked to come and speak briefly on the topic of depression. He proceeded to tell us 1 out of 18 people will suffer from some form of depression during their lifetime. He also talked about how crucial it was to treat depression. Depression is not something that will simply go away on its own. You can't wish or pray your way out of depression.

 

 

These were the ten typical signs of depression he listed:

1. Sleep problems - it is hard to get to sleep or stay asleep through the night.

2. Loss of energy

3. Loss of pleasure - you are no longer interested in things that used to please you. i.e. - hobbies, intimacy, associations, etc.

4. Change in appetite or weight - either loss or gain (Although, let's be honest. Who wouldn't love to lose weight?)

5. Feeling overwhelmed

6. Reduced ability to concentrate

7. Easily irritated or annoyed

8. Decreased self-esteem

9. Suicidal thoughts - planning, wishing, wanting to disappear

10. Stomach aches

 

 

The doctor indicated if you related with 4 or more areas or signs, you should meet with a medical professional to discuss possible treatment for depression.
 

I don't think there are any of us who can't relate with this list a little bit. Let's face it, there are huge pressures placed upon us every day. The type of world we live in is like nothing that previous generations have faced. Combined pressures bombard us. Things like: financial difficulties, relationships, children, having to cook dinner every night (okay that one is for me), education pressures or lack of education, unfulfilled dreams or desires, employment concerns, sin, health concerns, etc.... The list goes on and on and is different for everyone.
 

I know this though. Having depression doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you weird or abnormal. It just means that chemicals in your body are unbalanced and need to be aligned. Maybe the cause is because of a change in circumstance. Maybe it is something that will be a challenge during an entire life time. Maybe it occurs after the birth of a baby. Maybe a loved one recently passed away. Regardless of the reason, the fact is, depression needs to be treated.
 

I first started to try and wrap my head around depression about nine years ago when the phrase mood disorder was discussed in the same breath as my son's name. "What? My five year old is depressed? What are you talking about? He has an undiagnosed disorder and suffers from a speech impairment. If I couldn't communicate I would be a little cranky too. Yes, I know he is irritable and easily annoyed. Yes, I know he is too skinny and dropping off the growth charts. Yes, he is distracted in school and can't easily focus. Yes, he doesn't like to engage others. These could easily be attributed to his syndrome or dare I say, Autism." (At that point in life, we were still trying to fit all the pieces together. Mood disorder was just one of the many pieces.)
 

This is just a small portion of what we went through to not only get a diagnosis for Jackson but to also understand what HE was going through. As parents we dealt with frustrations about our situation. But Jackson, what was HE feeling? What was it like to be him?
 

Now I am not ready to hang out my psychologist shingle, but luckily, through the years, we have become much more educated on mental illness. By the way, I hate that term. It sounds sort of ..... well.... crazy. It is anything but that. I think sometimes society hears the words mental illness and voices are automatically hushed. "Oh.... she has depression - like it is some sort of ugly thing." When people say, heart disease, or cancer is mention, is the same hushed tone present? Usually not. Is treatment and medication ever NOT taken? No! I think the tide is turning though and people are becoming more informed and educated. But, the stigma can still be there.
 

Yes. Depression is ugly. It is mean, it is dark, and it is unreasonable. It can overpower and cause what seems like an unbearable weight to be pushing down upon you.
 

But the person..... they are still beautiful. Even when the person can't see the sun shining on them, it is. People love them. People are there for them. People want to help them. People are standing close and ready to lift the heavy weight. However access to do so isn't always easily granted.
 

For us, our journey has been a process. We have learned more about ADHD, mood disorders and anxiety. We have visited child psychologists and psychiatrists (boy, the two are SO different). We have taken classes and used behavior therapy. And, we continue to do all we can to help our son and ourselves. But, the journey is not over. It will most likely always be part of our lives. For us, we have learned medication and therapy working together can do wonderful things. As parents, we have also been able to view our own weaknesses with a little more clarity. We see how this journey places pressures and stress upon us. We see how sometimes we too can't do it alone. Everyone needs help. But.... are we willing to ask for it?
 

I hope so. Life is too short to be spent with such a heavy cloud hanging over us.
 

I also know that even with medication and therapy a few other key factors must take place.

1. Plenty of sleep

2. A healthy diet

3. and exercise
 

These seem like no brainers. But really, they make all the difference.
 

This post isn't meant to generalize such a personal issue. Everyone is different and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. But, what I do know is that there is help available. Whether it is a seasonal issue or something far more complex, there is help and more importantly, there is HOPE!