Shaw-some sauce

To understand my family you must first understand the lessons that each of our children have taught us.  Lessons that have not been easy by any means.  Lessons that in the midst of them pushed us to the breaking point.

Lesson 1 UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Ally Age 6

This is Ally, she made me a birth mother.  She is one of the biggest miracles of my life.  At the tender age of 7 she has changed me far more than any other person in my life.  She has made me realize that my children are the world to me.  Ally was born on May 10, 2007 and placed into her earthly mothers arms on May 14, 2007.  I am so blessed to have an open adoption and have been able to watch her grow into the most amazing little lady in the world.  Her laugh is contagious, her smile vibrant, and her love for everything is just simply mind blowing.

Lesson 2 PATIENCE

Cayden age 2 Photo Credit: Lindsay Jane Studios

Cayden is our oldest (he's 7).  I was blessed to become his mother through the miracle of Adoption.  Wait, you mind is wondering "how does that work?"  Two kids, both 7, both from adoption?  I met my husband, who was a single father, when Cayden was 2.  In August of 2009 we were married and in August of 2010 I legally adopted Cayden.  I knew the moment I spent time with Cayden I was meant to be his mother.  However his birth mother was still currently in his life.  Over a period of 6 months his life was changed dramatically in ways that I wish would have been different.  Choices were made by individuals in Cayden's life that left in him harmful situations.  My mother instincts kicked in and we served his birth mother with termination papers.  The day she signed her rights away should have been a joyous day for me.  It wasn't.  Simply put, it was painful, heart breaking, traumatic, and life changing.  Over the next 2 years Cayden's relationship would evolve with his birth mother, eventually resulting in a mostly closed adoption.  I want to fix things now for him.  I want him to have a perfect relationship with his birth mother.  I want her desire to have a relationship with Cayden to be there just as much as mine is with Ally.  I want things done NOW . . . only problem is . . . NOW isn't the right time.  I've learned that I wasn't blessed with the virtue of patience.  The Lord brought Cayden into my life the way he did, to teach me.  To help me become the mother that Cayden needs me to be.

LESSON 3 FORGIVENESS

Last visit with Bryer, Nov 2009

Bryer was part of our life for a brief 3 months.  She was born in August of 2009, it's amazing to think she just turned 5.  Bryer made me a step-mother.  She currently lives with her mother.  Just as with any child involved in a divorce, things can get messy.  Bryer's life, even before she was born, was messy.  Her mother and father didn't see eye to eye on a few things and because of Utah laws her mother had most of the say.  Choices were made with reagrds to Bryer's relationship with her father, brothers, and step-mother that I may not agree with.  One of the hardest lessons that we have had to learn in our journey of parenting is forgiveness.  We have had to forgive Bryer's mothers for not allowing her to be part of our family.  We have had to forgive Bryer's mother for not allowing us to give her the love that we so readily feel for her.  We have had to forgive each other for any hurt or pain we hold the other person responsible for when it comes to the whole that is in our family because Bryer isn't there.  

Lesson 4 FAITH

Jaxson age 2 Photo Credit: Liybie Cerar

After the loss of 3 pregnancies I was starting to feel like adding to our families was never going to happen.  Lucky for us this little nugget came along and has blessed us in so many ways.  However the blessings haven't been without trial that is for sure.  The first year of Jaxson's life I don't really remember.  The day he came home from the hospital Cayden went to the hospital for Norwalk virus.  It seems like that set a pattern for the next 2 years of his life.  Illness ran our lives for the first little bit.  I was very sick for the first 6 months of Jaxson's life.  At the point that I started healing he started going down hill.  He stopped gaining weight, started coughing constantly, and wasn't sleeping through the night.  He was diagnosed with Reactive Airway Disease as well as Chronic Pneumonia.  After 4 months of  constant antibiotics, steroids, and doctors failing to help my child I turned to a friend for help.  Jaxson is the sole reason I became a Foot Zonologist.  It is because of foot zoning that we were able to figure out some dietary changes to make to help him.  However his life would again be touched by physical trials with a severe reaction to vaccines at 18 months.  The reaction resulted in Verbal Apraxia, more allergies, and severe digestive issues.  Jaxson has done so many hard things in his short life.  In the last few months his life changed dramatically, this time for the better.  Jaxson was accepted into the Northern Utah Autism Program.  He attends a special preschool each week for 25 hours.  He is becoming a different child.  He is saying, doing, and participating in ways I've never seen before.  He truly has taught me that "Faith in the Lord includes Faith in his timing." 

My Life's Work

Who knew a date to the symphony during my junior year of high school would lead to such a beautiful life.  After 20 years of marriage, 4 children, and a whole lot of ups and downs, Ryan and I might just be starting to figure things out. 

When I started having children, I was very fortunate to be able to stay home with them.  While that hasn't always been easy for me (I have a working girl's brain) it was something I always envisioned myself doing when children came into our lives.  As a mom, I have been far from perfect.  I'm the first to admit that.  I'm not a master chef or baker.  I don't have all my scrapbooks up to date.  In fact, my youngest doesn't even have a baby book.  And, I've always regretted I didn't read to my kids more (It hurt my voice / throat after a few pages).  

But, there were a few areas that were priorities to me.  Over the years I've tried to make a consistent effort to be present for my children and yet, give them space and independence to grow.  I've tried to teach important values and spiritual truths through casual conversation, interactions, and by example.  I've tried to be a model for service, philanthropy, and learning how to manage responsibility.  And because we focus on balance, we've also tried to have a good measure of downtime and fun.   

Now, let me introduce you to my life's work.

Alexis (16), aka Lexie, is our oldest daughter.  She is a beautiful soul inside and out.  She is grounded, spiritual, a talented dancer, a photographer, a fashion guru, and has an artistic eye for anything creative or beautiful.  However she can't throw tumbling tricks to save her life.  Believe me, I've paid for 4 years of tumbling and she still can't throw a back hand spring.  But, when you're good at everything else and breathtakingly beautiful, you have to have at least one flaw.  Oh, and did I mention she is self confident and funny. She too thinks her tumbling skills are humorous.

Jackson is now 14.  When I look back at all he and I have been through, I think we've lived through enough for two life times.  Jackson has a rare chromosome duplication (7q11.23 duplication), currently less than one of 500 in the world.  The duplication mirrors autism.  Since his birth, we've been involved with specialists, medications, therapies, and have traveled near and far for treatment.  Jackson has intense struggles in building relationships, regulating emotions, and verbalizing feelings.  He also is trying to manage ADHD, anxiety, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  While Jackson's world is full of challenges he also excels at organizing his room, keeping track of dates and family memories, he connects to music and the latest hit on the radio, he enjoys the beach and building in the sand, camping, exploring in the woods surrounding our home, and those silly ghost hunting type shows.  Jackson is a key member of our family because we all have a chance to serve him and help him achieve successes in this life.  And in return, we have an appreciation for the simple pleasures of life that a family can enjoy.  Our hearts melt every time we have positive interactions and happy moments with Jackson. 





Collin is 11 and enjoying 5th grade.  He is the unassuming, handsome type.  While he may present himself to the world as shy and more reserved, he has a wicked ability to tease and take in everything around him.  Collin loves basketball and just started playing with a competition team.  He also enjoys hip hop, playing with his Kendama (Japanese toy that has a string, wood post, and ball), the game - Magic, and Dr. Who.  Because of birth order, Collin has endured much in his short life.  Even though he is younger, he's been an advocate and care taker for Jackson and has had to learn to acquiesce more than he should in order for Jackson to maintain a sense of calm.  We love Collin and his giving spirit.  He is a pillar of strength and a source of much joy.

Isabella, aka Izzy, just turned 8 and was baptized into our church this year.  Izzy has a tender heart and is a very spiritual young soul.  She is thoughtful, giving, artistic, a great piano player, spunky, funny, and adores her cat, Mrs. Fox.  She started dancing with a competition dance team this year and loves every minute; especially Hip Hop.  Izzy is in a French Immersion program in school.  She can always get us laughing with made up words in a french accent.  We are so happy this ray of sunshine is in our family.  Her bright light often lifts our spirits and adds warmth to our sometimes stressed out household.

So, that's us.  We're pretty down to earth and for the most part, a typical family.  The extra DNA that is a part of our family keeps things real.  While our challenges can be overwhelming at times, we know they are helping to make us stronger, more compassionate, and more unified.  We're all in this together and know that we all want to be together as a family forever.

May there be no empty chairs in heaven!!!