Tuesday, August 12, 2014

My Hope for society

Yesterday the news quickly spread of the passing of a well known, beloved, and amazing actor.  Robin Williams passed away at the age of 63.  My heart broke for his family for a few reasons.  He's far too young to be gone and secondly the reports are saying he committed suicide.  I can't tell you how many people have posted comments like...

"How is this possible he was the happiest man alive."
"How could he do such a thing to his family."

"I would have never known he suffered from depression"
"This is just so shocking."

Each comment I read I wanted to reply and say things like...

"Happiness on the outside doesn't mean he was happy on the inside"
"You never know what he was thinking. He may have thought it would be better for his family."

"Depression is often a silent battle, please reach out to those you love."

There are on average 39,518 deaths caused by suicide each year in the us.  
I am here to tell you that I am a survivor.  September 10 of 2013 I shared with the world the fact that I was a survivor.  Each year many in social media take to the stage and join forces with a non profit company called To Write Love on Her Arms (You can read more HERE).  For the first time in my life I posted my Love on my arm.  I have participated for a few years now but never posted it anywhere.  I was a silent support and was grateful to do it.  I had no intentions of ever sharing with the public the battle that I silently fought.  However last year I had an overwhelming feeling that someone, one of my friends, needed to know what I had gone through.  I still to this day do not know who needed to know, but I am grateful for the inspiration to share.

For years as a teenager I fought severe depression.  I was medicated for a very long time and yet none of it seemed to help.  I attempted suicide 3 separate times.  Each time I very clearly remember telling myself "this world will be better without you".  My last suicide attempt was after I had placed a baby for adoption at the age of 19.  Not many people knew how hard post placement depression hit me.  I tried to avoid it, I tried to "live my life" to the best of my abilities but I was surrounded in darkness every day.

I credit my amazing mother for my life, to this day.  She was and is the reason my attempts failed.  She was a loving hand in my dark hours and did her very best to support me the way I needed to be supported.

My hope for society is that through this tragedy people will no longer view depression as something that can easily be changed by the way you think.  I hope that society will realize on a grander scale the problem within the medical world as far as antidepressant medications go.  I hope that society will turn the corner and be more compassionate, loving, caring, and gentle to others.



  1. Love you girl. You inspire me everyday!

  2. Oh, I just love this! And I am so happy you are sharing your story! And I am so HAPPY you are ALIVE so I can get to know you!!!

    1. Mindy thank you. Sometimes it is very scary to share your deepest darkest secrets with the world. Knowing it is taken in the best way possible brings a smile to my face. Happy to get to know you as well.