"How is this possible he was the happiest man alive."
"How could he do such a thing to his family."
"I would have never known he suffered from depression"
"This is just so shocking."
"Happiness on the outside doesn't mean he was happy on the inside"
"You never know what he was thinking. He may have thought it would be better for his family."
"Depression is often a silent battle, please reach out to those you love."
There are on average 39,518 deaths caused by suicide each year in the us.HERE). For the first time in my life I posted my Love on my arm. I have participated for a few years now but never posted it anywhere. I was a silent support and was grateful to do it. I had no intentions of ever sharing with the public the battle that I silently fought. However last year I had an overwhelming feeling that someone, one of my friends, needed to know what I had gone through. I still to this day do not know who needed to know, but I am grateful for the inspiration to share.
For years as a teenager I fought severe depression. I was medicated for a very long time and yet none of it seemed to help. I attempted suicide 3 separate times. Each time I very clearly remember telling myself "this world will be better without you". My last suicide attempt was after I had placed a baby for adoption at the age of 19. Not many people knew how hard post placement depression hit me. I tried to avoid it, I tried to "live my life" to the best of my abilities but I was surrounded in darkness every day.
I credit my amazing mother for my life, to this day. She was and is the reason my attempts failed. She was a loving hand in my dark hours and did her very best to support me the way I needed to be supported.
My hope for society is that through this tragedy people will no longer view depression as something that can easily be changed by the way you think. I hope that society will realize on a grander scale the problem within the medical world as far as antidepressant medications go. I hope that society will turn the corner and be more compassionate, loving, caring, and gentle to others.