When I Grow Up

When I was a young girl I remember being asked a question over and over.  I'm sure you heard it as well and possibly even say it to children around you now.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Many of my friends answered with big elaborate occupations that sounded extremely impressive. My answer was always one thing...
                                                        ..... a mom.

And without fail I would often get another question "Well, do you want to be anything else?"

"Nope" would be my reply.  I wanted to be a mom like my mom was.

Now fast forward... to the age of 16.  I had horrible self worth and believed that I was trash so I often allowed others and myself to treat me as such.  I had a boyfriend who promised me the world and professed his desire to spend the rest of his life with me.  We had sex and SURPRISE I got pregnant!

I was shocked, horrified, scared, ashamed, guilty, and even a bit excited.  I had skipped a grade in school so I was about to graduate High School and turn 17 when I was four months along.  I made plans to marry my boyfriend and dreamt of raising my wonderful baby!

But then the worried feelings started to creep in... and my eyes started to open. Truth poured in and I didn't like it one bit.

I started to consider another option to marriage or single parenting.  I tried to dismiss the thoughts often but in that option was a ray of hope... unfortunately that hope was also surrounded by pain and fear and the requirement to sacrifice the very thing I loved most.  My child.

Through several very spiritual experiences and well-thought out considerations, I decided adoption would be whats best for my son and myself.  I wanted him to have more than I could provide...or my boyfriend.  It was very important to me that my child had both a mother and father who were prepared for him and would also love him very much.

After 5 1/2 challenging months after birth, my son finally made his way to his parents.  It was the most excruciating and heart-breaking experience of my life yet it also came with such love and peace and gratitude for bringing such an incredible little person into this world.

I did not have contact with him for 18 years but last year I was blessed to be able to reconnect.  We have an amazing relationship and I'm continually shocked to see how much we have in common through genetics.  He is amazing and I love him so much!

I married at 18 and didn't have my next child for ansother 5 1/2 years.  I had a son and I completely fell in love with him!  There were strange moments where I would be hit with intense grief because of lost time with my first born but luckily the sweetness of holding my new baby would help me through those times. He is now 14 years old and towers over me!  I call him "Tallboy" (think of Princess Bride ... "Farmboy") and I constantly ask him to "fetch" items high in my cupboard.  He always helps me willingly and joyfully.  It's a beautiful gift he has.

Next I had a daughter, who is now 12.  She has been such a delight in my life.  I used to always say I could raise a dozen more kids at the same time if they had her temperament (well... until this last new teenager phase - whew!  Hang on to your hat with teenagers!) But she is cheerful, kind, creative, and a wonderful help to her younger siblings.

A year after I had my daughter, I went through a divorce.  Divorce can be one of the MOST shattering things to your life.  It was so painful and I felt broken and lost.  I quickly dated someone I knew from Jr High and got married.

Looking back, I probably should have waited to heal myself before entering a new marriage.  There were many difficulties trying to combine me and 2 littles with a man who had been living alone for awhile.

But I am glad I made the choice I did.  I have been married for 11 years and although there have been many challenges, I am continually amazed and grateful for my husband's determination to work on our marriage and family.  I feel very loved.

We have had 3 other children... a 9 year boy named Duke (who looks just like his dad and I LOVE it!).  He is a mellow kid but also has the funniest personality ever!  We share the same humor and he constantly makes me laugh.  He is also a cuddler, a brilliant lego builder, and a very kind-hearted child who cannot stand to see human cruelty of any kind.

Next, came our 7 year old daughter named Lillia.  She was BORN for the stage!  No kidding!  Her voice projection, constant singing, dancing, acting, and inventing new ways to entertain are part of every moment of every day. When she talks her eyes light up and she shines with passion for life.  She is also a little romantic and always loves to hear about love stories.

Last, but certainly not least is my youngest daughter, Vivian.  She is 19 months old.  I was totally shocked and a bit traumatized thinking I was going to enter the world of babies again, but once she came into this world, all my worries melted away. She has been the best little gift to our family and she brings so much joy into our home.  She LOVES taking selfies with my iPhone.

Although I had always wanted to be a mom, it is not always easy. At first, I threw myself into parenting and completely lost myself.  Then there have also been times I work too much.  So I am always learning the delicate balance of motherhood.

I can be an awesome mom, and a not-so-awesome mom.  Sometimes I lose my temper, say swear words, get tired, feed them cereal for dinner. But I learn from my mistakes, love them more, say sorry, and keep on trying to do better and better each day.  

I am grateful for many other mothers that are a beautiful example to me.  

I feel love and support for women who have experienced loss or infertility and they teach me many things.  

I'm grateful for my son's mother because without her struggles with infertility she wouldn't have been looking for my son and I wouldn't have the beautiful relationship I have with her now.  

I'm also very grateful for the women who do not have children but who serve in various mothering roles (teachers, friends, neighbors, aunts, you name it!).  

Having children is different for all... and many don't have the easy road to having them.  But hopefully, even if you didn't answer "mom" when asked what you wanted to be when you grew up, I hope that you are able to call yourself it now - no matter the circumstances around it.  I believe the definition of "mother" should extend to include any female who shows unconditional love to a child or nurtures others.

The Competition

This is a topic that I have been mulling over what feels like my entire life. Women competing with other women.

It seems to me like when we are born, we are thrown into the competition life style. When we are babies, it is which baby is the cutest, which baby crawls the fastest. As elementary age kids the real fun starts; who is the smartest, who is the best at sports, who can make the most friends. Once we get to high school the competition is in full force; who is the most popular, who is the most talented.

As grown women, you would think the competition would slow down. But it doesn't. It turns into who get's married first, who makes the most money, who as the most kids, who has the smartest kids, who is the skinniest, who has the cleanest house, who has the prettiest house, who drives the nicest car. The list goes on and on.

For me this all comes down to that ingrained thought of competition. My question for all of you is, WHY? Why are we competing? Why do we compare our lives, our journeys, our kids?

I was raised with an always unspoken competition going on. I am a middle child and my older siblings are twin girls. Because they are twins and both girls, they were constantly being compared to each other. And then when I came along, another girl, it was easy to join the party. I have a very smart sister who always got good grades, and I have a very caring sister who felt things stronger than the rest of us. Now both of them are very smart and very caring people, but those qualities stood out in each of them. They should have never felt like they needed to compete with each other, but they always did; who went on the most dates, who had the most friends, who had the cutest clothes. It was exhausting for me, and I am sure for them and my parents too.

I have been watching a competition unfold my entire life. I fought against joining in on that competition because, I believe, I saw how damaging it was to everyone involved.

Here's the problem I see. I see us being raised to compete against each other, and in turn, learning that one person is always better than another person in everything. While, yes, that is a part of life, does it need to be the center of it all?

Let's do our best to change this. Instead of focusing on who does more or better in life, let's applaud each other for our successes and help each other when we fall. Love each other and love ourselves. And remember: life is not a race. There are no winner or losers; we are all here to love and support each other the best we can.

We Rise By Lifting Others

Have you ever had one of “those” days, where no matter what you do there seems to be a negative force pulling against you? One of those days where the laundry keeps multiplying, the little ones keep fighting, the house just can’t seem to stay clean, the toilet has overflowed again, you’ve burnt the macaroni and cheese because the phone rang at the wrong time, the dog just ran through the house after taking a mud bath, an extra bill came in the mail that your budget didn’t plan for, the car breaks down and need to be fixed, you’re husband is working late and you just need a little peace and quiet! You know. . .one of “those” days.

We all have them. They come in many forms but they are there none the less. It’s on days like this that I am truly grateful for small random acts of kindness:

• The extra help in the grocery store when you’re kids are screaming, you’re at the check out line, you can’t find your debit card and the women behind you pays for your groceries.
• A note sent by a neighbor thanking you always waving as you drive by. 
• The loaf of homemade bread that a friend drops by just to say “I’m thinking of you”
• Giving someone who is homeless a granola bar and bottle of water because you have extra
• When a friend calls and says “Let me babysit your children tonight” so you can have a much needed date night with your spouse.
• Paying a compliment to another mom because you know how difficult being a mom can be sometimes.

We all need those ‘gifts’, those random acts of kindness that truly remind us that we are not alone. We are all moms in the trenches of life trying to raise children in this ever changing world. We need to step up to the plate, so to speak, and remember to pay it forward.

I love the end of that quote “...you get what you give so give good.” The grammar might not be perfect but the message is. We need to give. We need to help. We need each other because it is only by lifting others that we can truly rise.


There are so many ways that we can pay it forward. Here are a few examples:

If you are unsure of where to start, here is a situation near and dear to my heart. I have a very good friend that is in need of these acts of service. She and her husband are in the mist a tremendous trial. They are an adoptive family that is in the midst of a 3+ year contested adoption. They are still waiting for a verdict from the supreme court to see if they can officially adopt their baby. He is now 3 years old and has been with them since birth. You can imagine the emotional and financial stress that accompanies 3 years of lawyer and court fees. If you are able, please help them out and pay it forward. Anything from $1-$500 will help this beautiful family.

Visit: www.abbafund.org/teamspray/ to donate.

Let’s make someones day a little better! Let’s join forces and buoy each other up in our times of need.

-Roué Anne

Meet Chelsie

My name is Chelsie

I just turned 30 the other day and I am so excited for life in my thirties. I have been married to my best friend for 10 years. We have been best friends for 15 years. We have two boys that are the center of our life. Tate is 5 and Cole is 3. They are so much fun, and keep me so busy! I love being their mom!

I own my own business and love every minute of it!! I sell LuLaRoe clothing!! I have maxi skirts, leggings, shirts, pencil skirts, dresses and more!!!

Some things about me include being the oldest of 3 girls. I am left handed. I LOVE SUMMER AND THE BEACH!! I love shopping, crafts, sandals, the color pink, and singing and dancing in the kitchen with my boys. I love ice cream. I love math and learning. I love to travel. I love hanging out with my family!!

-Chelsie

Meaning of Motherhood

A few words that describe what motherhood means to me

putting your kids first, being a friend, being their cheerleader, 

listen, give good advice and support, endless supply of LOVE! 

 When I think about the word Mother I think of my beautiful mother, she is such an amazing woman. I try to be more like her everyday. She would give her kids anything even if it meant she had to go without. She was a daily example of selfless love.

Being a mother is the most rewarding and hardest job I have ever had. I love being the mother of two crazy boys. Is my life perfect? No. Am I a perfect mother? No. One of my favorite sayings about being a mother is:

I think this is something that we all need to remember. 

I see so much negativity lately with moms judging each other because they are doing something different. I love to get tips and advice from other moms! It helps me to know that I'm not alone in my daily battles, little or big.  Every kid is different which means there is not one way to be a mother.

Over the last few weeks I have been trying to focus on being more patient and calm with my boys.

 I have been trying to do a little better each day. 

Some of the things that I've been working on are getting upset less over the big things and the small things.  There are going to be moments, some times daily where it all feels like its going to fall apart.  Those moments are when I step back and realize it isn't the end of the world.  I'm also trying to raise my voice less, stopping to actually listen, and letting my kids simply be kids. I am realizing how fast they are growing up. They will only be little for what seems like small moments and I want those moments to be lived in and not endured.

My reality as a mother includes toys all over the floor, happy kids who can quickly turn into grumpy kids. Getting paid with kisses, hugs, and snuggles.  And of course my day wouldn't be complete without dressing up as a superhero.

-Chelsie