Monday, October 6, 2014

Shaw-some sauce

To understand my family you must first understand the lessons that each of our children have taught us.  Lessons that have not been easy by any means.  Lessons that in the midst of them pushed us to the breaking point.

Ally Age 6
This is Ally, she made me a birth mother.  She is one of the biggest miracles of my life.  At the tender age of 7 she has changed me far more than any other person in my life.  She has made me realize that my children are the world to me.  Ally was born on May 10, 2007 and placed into her earthly mothers arms on May 14, 2007.  I am so blessed to have an open adoption and have been able to watch her grow into the most amazing little lady in the world.  Her laugh is contagious, her smile vibrant, and her love for everything is just simply mind blowing.

Cayden age 2 Photo Credit: Lindsay Jane Studios
Cayden is our oldest (he's 7).  I was blessed to become his mother through the miracle of Adoption.  Wait, you mind is wondering "how does that work?"  Two kids, both 7, both from adoption?  I met my husband, who was a single father, when Cayden was 2.  In August of 2009 we were married and in August of 2010 I legally adopted Cayden.  I knew the moment I spent time with Cayden I was meant to be his mother.  However his birth mother was still currently in his life.  Over a period of 6 months his life was changed dramatically in ways that I wish would have been different.  Choices were made by individuals in Cayden's life that left in him harmful situations.  My mother instincts kicked in and we served his birth mother with termination papers.  The day she signed her rights away should have been a joyous day for me.  It wasn't.  Simply put, it was painful, heart breaking, traumatic, and life changing.  Over the next 2 years Cayden's relationship would evolve with his birth mother, eventually resulting in a mostly closed adoption.  I want to fix things now for him.  I want him to have a perfect relationship with his birth mother.  I want her desire to have a relationship with Cayden to be there just as much as mine is with Ally.  I want things done NOW . . . only problem is . . . NOW isn't the right time.  I've learned that I wasn't blessed with the virtue of patience.  The Lord brought Cayden into my life the way he did, to teach me.  To help me become the mother that Cayden needs me to be.

Last visit with Bryer, Nov 2009
Bryer was part of our life for a brief 3 months.  She was born in August of 2009, it's amazing to think she just turned 5.  Bryer made me a step-mother.  She currently lives with her mother.  Just as with any child involved in a divorce, things can get messy.  Bryer's life, even before she was born, was messy.  Her mother and father didn't see eye to eye on a few things and because of Utah laws her mother had most of the say.  Choices were made with reagrds to Bryer's relationship with her father, brothers, and step-mother that I may not agree with.  One of the hardest lessons that we have had to learn in our journey of parenting is forgiveness.  We have had to forgive Bryer's mothers for not allowing her to be part of our family.  We have had to forgive Bryer's mother for not allowing us to give her the love that we so readily feel for her.  We have had to forgive each other for any hurt or pain we hold the other person responsible for when it comes to the whole that is in our family because Bryer isn't there.  

Lesson 4 FAITH
Jaxson age 2 Photo Credit: Liybie Cerar
After the loss of 3 pregnancies I was starting to feel like adding to our families was never going to happen.  Lucky for us this little nugget came along and has blessed us in so many ways.  However the blessings haven't been without trial that is for sure.  The first year of Jaxson's life I don't really remember.  The day he came home from the hospital Cayden went to the hospital for Norwalk virus.  It seems like that set a pattern for the next 2 years of his life.  Illness ran our lives for the first little bit.  I was very sick for the first 6 months of Jaxson's life.  At the point that I started healing he started going down hill.  He stopped gaining weight, started coughing constantly, and wasn't sleeping through the night.  He was diagnosed with Reactive Airway Disease as well as Chronic Pneumonia.  After 4 months of  constant antibiotics, steroids, and doctors failing to help my child I turned to a friend for help.  Jaxson is the sole reason I became a Foot Zonologist.  It is because of foot zoning that we were able to figure out some dietary changes to make to help him.  However his life would again be touched by physical trials with a severe reaction to vaccines at 18 months.  The reaction resulted in Verbal Apraxia, more allergies, and severe digestive issues.  Jaxson has done so many hard things in his short life.  In the last few months his life changed dramatically, this time for the better.  Jaxson was accepted into the Northern Utah Autism Program.  He attends a special preschool each week for 25 hours.  He is becoming a different child.  He is saying, doing, and participating in ways I've never seen before.  He truly has taught me that "Faith in the Lord includes Faith in his timing." 

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