Feeling Naked

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About 8 years ago I felt like I needed to start openly talking about my experiences as a birthmom (I placed a son for adoption almost 20 years ago).  I started by volunteering at a local adoption agency and participating in their support groups for other pregnant young women considering adoption and other birthmoms (this is right when I met Katelyn).  Shortly after volunteering I began speaking and sharing my experience to audiences all over Utah and Wyoming and at adoption conferences.  

At the beginning whenever I would share my life experiences (because they included so much more than just adoption) I would need to recover for about 3 days.  Numerous emotions would surface and I would doubt the reasons I shared them.  It wasn't fun to talk about my struggles and pains.  

So one night after returning home from a speaking engagement, I started to cry... and cry... and cry.  I looked up and cried to God.  

"Why do I have to share these hard things?  They hurt and I don't want to anymore".  

I felt like I was waving my dirty laundry for the whole world to see.  I felt exposed.  I felt naked on the inside.... and it was very uncomfortable.

The answer I received next was surprisingly to say the least.  In my mind, I heard the words "This experience is no longer yours".  

My mind opened in wonderment.  If the experiences were no longer mine and almost didn't belong to me anymore, then WHO are they for?  

This is the moment I understood that once I have experienced challenges and pains of many kinds then it is almost my responsibility to share them (when prompted to do so) with others who might need it now.  

I strongly believe we are all connected and we can help a lot of people by sharing the lessons we learn or simply to help comfort when only we can (because we've gone through something similar).  

A while ago I studied the word Courage and the Latin root it comes from. . 

The first part comes from Cor or Cordis which means:

Cor/Cordis 

noun

• Definitions:
• 1. heart
• 2. intellect/judgment
• 3. mind/soul/spirit
• 4. souls/persons (pl.)

• Source
• 
  

The last part of the word comes from the latin suffix "age" which means "the act, the result of, or state of".  

Quite literally COURAGE means the act of sharing your heart, intellect, judgment, mind, soul, spirit and soul.  

When you are sharing your personal experiences you are showing great courage and strength.  You may have an occasional negative reaction from someone... but I say ignore them.  Because MORE often than not you will get waves of people thanking you for your vulnerability and authenticity.  This is the place we serve from.  

Sharing your life, your experiences, and challenges also bring a feeling of freedom.  It liberates you from the opinions of others.

It reminds me of a quote I heard once "What other people think of me is none of my business".  So true.

We all have pain.
We have all made mistakes.
We all struggle at times.
We all hurt.
And it all is a little more bearable with people to share in that journey.  Please be open to sharing more, mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those who need comfort.

One of the things I love most about the purpose of this website is to provide a place where we can all openly share our challenges and difficulties and then be a support to others who are struggling with something similar. We are ALL ONE in purpose and are lionesses at the gate of our homes. 

The Competition

This is a topic that I have been mulling over what feels like my entire life. Women competing with other women.

It seems to me like when we are born, we are thrown into the competition life style. When we are babies, it is which baby is the cutest, which baby crawls the fastest. As elementary age kids the real fun starts; who is the smartest, who is the best at sports, who can make the most friends. Once we get to high school the competition is in full force; who is the most popular, who is the most talented.

As grown women, you would think the competition would slow down. But it doesn't. It turns into who get's married first, who makes the most money, who as the most kids, who has the smartest kids, who is the skinniest, who has the cleanest house, who has the prettiest house, who drives the nicest car. The list goes on and on.

For me this all comes down to that ingrained thought of competition. My question for all of you is, WHY? Why are we competing? Why do we compare our lives, our journeys, our kids?

I was raised with an always unspoken competition going on. I am a middle child and my older siblings are twin girls. Because they are twins and both girls, they were constantly being compared to each other. And then when I came along, another girl, it was easy to join the party. I have a very smart sister who always got good grades, and I have a very caring sister who felt things stronger than the rest of us. Now both of them are very smart and very caring people, but those qualities stood out in each of them. They should have never felt like they needed to compete with each other, but they always did; who went on the most dates, who had the most friends, who had the cutest clothes. It was exhausting for me, and I am sure for them and my parents too.

I have been watching a competition unfold my entire life. I fought against joining in on that competition because, I believe, I saw how damaging it was to everyone involved.

Here's the problem I see. I see us being raised to compete against each other, and in turn, learning that one person is always better than another person in everything. While, yes, that is a part of life, does it need to be the center of it all?

Let's do our best to change this. Instead of focusing on who does more or better in life, let's applaud each other for our successes and help each other when we fall. Love each other and love ourselves. And remember: life is not a race. There are no winner or losers; we are all here to love and support each other the best we can.

We Rise By Lifting Others

Have you ever had one of “those” days, where no matter what you do there seems to be a negative force pulling against you? One of those days where the laundry keeps multiplying, the little ones keep fighting, the house just can’t seem to stay clean, the toilet has overflowed again, you’ve burnt the macaroni and cheese because the phone rang at the wrong time, the dog just ran through the house after taking a mud bath, an extra bill came in the mail that your budget didn’t plan for, the car breaks down and need to be fixed, you’re husband is working late and you just need a little peace and quiet! You know. . .one of “those” days.

We all have them. They come in many forms but they are there none the less. It’s on days like this that I am truly grateful for small random acts of kindness:

• The extra help in the grocery store when you’re kids are screaming, you’re at the check out line, you can’t find your debit card and the women behind you pays for your groceries.
• A note sent by a neighbor thanking you always waving as you drive by. 
• The loaf of homemade bread that a friend drops by just to say “I’m thinking of you”
• Giving someone who is homeless a granola bar and bottle of water because you have extra
• When a friend calls and says “Let me babysit your children tonight” so you can have a much needed date night with your spouse.
• Paying a compliment to another mom because you know how difficult being a mom can be sometimes.

We all need those ‘gifts’, those random acts of kindness that truly remind us that we are not alone. We are all moms in the trenches of life trying to raise children in this ever changing world. We need to step up to the plate, so to speak, and remember to pay it forward.

I love the end of that quote “...you get what you give so give good.” The grammar might not be perfect but the message is. We need to give. We need to help. We need each other because it is only by lifting others that we can truly rise.


There are so many ways that we can pay it forward. Here are a few examples:

If you are unsure of where to start, here is a situation near and dear to my heart. I have a very good friend that is in need of these acts of service. She and her husband are in the mist a tremendous trial. They are an adoptive family that is in the midst of a 3+ year contested adoption. They are still waiting for a verdict from the supreme court to see if they can officially adopt their baby. He is now 3 years old and has been with them since birth. You can imagine the emotional and financial stress that accompanies 3 years of lawyer and court fees. If you are able, please help them out and pay it forward. Anything from $1-$500 will help this beautiful family.

Visit: www.abbafund.org/teamspray/ to donate.

Let’s make someones day a little better! Let’s join forces and buoy each other up in our times of need.

-Roué Anne